Al Batt: When do Swedes turn their lights on in the rain - Austin Daily ...

Echoes from the

Loafers’ Club Meeting

I never know when it’s raining hard enough to turn on my lights.

By law, you have to turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden.

That’s a good law, but how do I know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Driving by Bruce’s drive

I have a wonderful neighbor named Bruce. Whenever I pass his drive, thoughts occur to me. The weather was unusual, as it usually is. When it comes to weather, we’re always waiting for the next shoe to drop. The weather is like us, it sometimes has difficulty making up its mind. My car became covered with snow while parked overnight at a hotel. I used a plastic discount card to scrape the ice off my windshield and got 10% off.

The song on the radio played, “In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight.” There were a bunch of “A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh.” I guess the song was saying that March’s lion is only a whim away.

Once the glass was as clear as my mind during a physics test, I headed home. The car ahead of me weaved all over the road. “Get a loom!” I growled.

I waved at a rural mail carrier. I like those good people. Ours delivers magazines periodically. It’s a stressful job. Too many red flags.

Hunger hit me like a tax bill. I stopped at a bakery to ask a baker to bake my day, but it was closed, so I made my way to a cafe where I had biscuits and gravy without the biscuits and gravy. It was the special, so that dish found its way to most of the restaurant’s tables, but I went with waffles. Biscuits and gravy made me think of circus peanuts. I didn’t want either. Each year, my lovely mother gave me a bag or two of circus peanuts. I don’t care for circus peanuts. My beloved brother Donald loved them, so I passed them along to him and told him that Mom had gotten the doubtful delights for him. The banana-flavored, peanut-shaped circus peanuts are as polarizing as black licorice, lutefisk, candy corn and the Green Bay Packers. You either love them or hate them. Why are they called circus peanuts? I’m not sure. Nobody wanted to admit they were responsible for the name. It would be a giant leap for me to eat a circus peanut. During extreme winter weather, pheasants can go up to two weeks without feeding. If I were a rooster pheasant that hadn’t eaten for two weeks and chanced upon a circus peanut, I might nibble on it.

I’ve learned

Less than 5% of the population makes over 95% of the laws necessary.

The louder you listen to music, the louder you’ll have to listen to music. Daytime skies are most interesting with clouds. Night skies are most interesting without clouds.

A car windshield is a big pane to install.

A gym provides factory work to those who don’t work in a factory.

If you want a reason to get out of bed in the morning, drink a gallon of water before going to bed.

Bad jokes department

Why can’t humans hear dog whistles? It’s because dogs can’t whistle.

What do you call people who sleep in their socks? Tiny.

Where do watermelons go on their summer vacation? To John Cougar Melon Camp.

Why did Saint Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland? Because it was too far for them to slither.

Nature notes

Yarding is a term used when deer congregate in one area and demonstrates the power of food. It occurs during times of severe cold and decreasing food sources. Familiar places to see deer yard up are south- and east-facing slopes, agricultural fields with waste grain, late-season food plots, cedar thickets and anywhere they can find food and shelter from the elements. Deer reduce their food intake during the winter by 30% and activity by 50%. A deer with an injured foot fed under the bird feeder. A starling landed on the deer’s back. The bird wanted a pony. Starlings are mimics and can be taught to talk. I imagined it saying, “Giddy up!”

I filled the feeders with black oil sunflower seeds. I’ve found the nutritious seeds to be appealing to the birds. If house sparrows overwhelm your feeders, you might switch to the larger striped sunflower seeds, with shells more difficult for house sparrows to open. Cheap birdseed isn’t economical. It doesn’t have enough active ingredients. It has too much filler that birds don’t eat.

Meeting adjourned

Enjoy your weather and be kind.